Raw, real fear (i.e., EXAMS)

Maybe writing about it will calm my nerves (I've just changed this font color from red to soothing dark blue) . I'm rarely a nervous sort of person (outwardly, at least). I know all (most, anyway) of the stress-relieving techniques -- divide and conquer, use various media, make lists, prioritize, 'work smart' and lots more (get enough sleep -- did that, too). I've been through very stressful situations with nary a gasp. Do things in advance (did all laundry and cleaning over the weekend). Do all homework. Attend all classes. Consult with best classmates on study techniques (my lovely Russian friend happens to have a photographic memory, so I've had to discount a few of her techniques). Do all exercises in books. Try to memorize things (this is my downfall; things just don't stick as they once did). Just keep working on it. I'm a planner! I executed this multi-faceted move over months, with negligible oopsies (the cats' transport being a big oopsie). I'm grown up, healthy, smart. I can do this.

What's hard is that other than the weekend, classes just march on, with no "study week" for these, our final term exams! 6 is passing. I had planned on 8s and 9s (10s are mostly fiction) in all courses. Who knows? Maybe I'll get 8s and 9s, but right now, I feel as insecure as it's possible to feel. But then, I think about some of my classmates, and believe again that I *can* pass these exams. All my Dutch friends think I can get 9s, if not 10s. They are very sweet.

Part of the angst is just the prospect of taking ANY exam. Exams haven't been part of my life since the early 80s.

Right: I've put my fear on virtual paper. It's gone. For the record, "crossing fingers" in Dutch is "duimen" or "to thumb", so "Als je blieft, iedereen, gaan julllie in de komende dagen voor me even *duimen*". (Please, everybody, cross your fingers for me in the coming days.)